You might remember from this post way back in January that I announced my job change. Here I am again, a couple months later, and I’m now with another nursing job. I did briefly mention my new job in outpatient oncology in my Job Interview series, but I never made an official announcement, so that’s what this post is going to be about.
When I accepted my previous job as a float nurse in the inpatient oncology service, I didn’t think that I would resign this early. I was very excited about moving to a big city, still working in a specialty that I love, but at a reputable hospital with many more state-of-the-art treatment plans and clinical trials. To be honest, I was most excited about caring for patients going through CAR T-cell therapy; it is such a novel treatment that I have yet to come across in a smaller rural hospital where I was. I learned a lot during my time there, and of course see how nurses there do things differently, even when we’re all caring for the same patient population with similar cancer diagnoses. I did have to commit to a full time night shift position, but I thought I’d enjoy much more than the rotating day/night routine.
But I quickly got exhausted. Maybe it’s because of the full time night shift and my out-of-whack sleep schedule; I felt like I was hungover all the time, and I couldn’t accomplish anything (even cooking, and I enjoy cooking my own meals!) when I was home. With that said, I quickly turned to takeouts and frozen meals, and I knew those were not the healthiest for me. They might have contributed to my overall yucky feeling. I quickly learned that full time night shift is not working for me anymore, even though I prefer the flow of night shift to that of day shift.
Maybe it’s because of the nature of inpatient nursing itself. When I was working my shifts at the smaller rural hospital, I knew I was burned out. I was there full time for two years, but the months leading up to my departure, I was cranky most of the time when I was at work. I mean, how could you not become cranky if during your 12-hour day you were constantly on your feet answering call lights and thus did not have any downtime to drink water, pee (probably didn’t have enough water in your body to pee anyway), and eat? I got annoyed quickly at the recurrent short staffing with high patient to nurse ratio, as well as the multiple required off-hours training that I had to complete. I thought a change in an environment and lower patient to nurse ratio at my new job could help me with my attitude towards inpatient nursing. Well, they did help for a bit, but the nature of the job doesn’t change. I was still an inpatient oncology nurse, and the nuances that made me not fond of inpatient nursing, sadly, occurred again.
Maybe it’s because I was a float nurse. I did enjoy my time floating around all the units in the oncology service, getting to know different patients and nursing staff. However, I couldn’t get over many of the cons of floating. I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere, and there were nights I didn’t talk to any other nurses on the unit. I didn’t feel like I can make a meaningful connection with the patients, as I was only there for them that one night as a fill-in. I didn’t feel like I was appreciated, as some units like to give the float nurse a heavier assignment because they know I wouldn’t be back to complain to them about that bad night I had. Gradually, I develop this bad mentality of not caring as a float nurse, and I hated that I didn’t care about the patient and the care I’d give to the patient.
Maybe it’s because of COVID. As a staff in the oncology float pool, when there was a surge in COVID cases in the state (and of course in the hospital), I was reassigned to an oncology COVID unit. I’ve only been a nurse for three years, but so far, my time working on this COVID unit is the worst experience I’ve ever had in my entire nursing career. I burned out so quickly, from the constant repetition of putting my PPE on and off, from the constant worry if I’d ever have COVID and bring it back home, and from the constant witness of people dying from COVID in a tight hospital room with no family. It was definitely a hard time for any frontline staff, but with my pre-existing burnout, COVID was a straw that broke the camel’s back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honestly, I applied to my current job on a whim, and I didn’t think I would get the job either. I had no outpatient nursing experience, and I was only working my inpatient job for about 5 or 6 months when I put my application in for transfer. Fortunately, I got a callback from HR fairly quickly for interview arrangement; I interviewed in the morning, and that afternoon I received an offer. I’m still on orientation with my current job, but I love it the outpatient world much more than the inpatient side already! My mood and my sleep schedule are better, and I belong on a specific unit! I’m sure there are things I’ll miss about inpatient nursing, and things I won’t be fond of in the clinic, but till then I’ll embrace my opportunity to switch job during the pandemic. Life’s too short to work in a job you hate, and I’m very glad I made the decision to move to my current job!
THAT ASIAN NURSE 